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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?